A GOOD YEAR - Getting started

This is a year long feature where Cathy Connor, my sister-in-law, (aw yea neptism!) is seeking out her exercise groove after major life changes.  She is sharing her thoughts, feelings, successes, and challenges as she navigates the road to health and fitness.  Every month, I will pose a challenge to Cathy, and use any road blocks she encounters as opportunities for discussion in our GO Training community.  This month is just about getting started!

I think many of us including myself can relate to times when other stresses of life have led us away from a positive habit.  Cathy already started her journey a few weeks ago but we were still defining what to post and how often, and length of her commitment to blogging.  Without further delay, here is Cathy’s first post.  Her postings will always have "A Good Year" in the title.

I'm getting a divorce. There I said it. Out. Loud. For everyone to hear. It’s painful and it’s messy and it’s hard. The hope that I had for a happily ever after has been shattered.  I could try and put a bright and shiny spin on it, or tell you how it was for the best and everything is going to be fine but I’m not there yet, although I’m closer than I was before.  

The time that passed since the sudden marital separation in January has been a whirlwind of emotions. Sadness, anger, joy, depression, anxiety have all become very familiar feelings that can linger for weeks at a time or pass right through me.  But as I reflect back on where the marriage fell apart, it is clear that the essence of me, my sense of self, was lost along the way. That's a hard truth to admit. But it's very real and rebuilding me and rediscovering what I want is something I'm really working hard to do.

One of the key pieces of this rebuild, of reintroducing me to… well me, is regaining control over my health and fitness. I never thought of myself as a natural athlete. I was the kid all the way at the back of the pack, walking when we had to run the mile in 5^th grade.  I was the girl that dreamed of doing a back handspring but fell on her face mid-cartwheel in middle school.  I was the teenager who got most improved player in every sport I participated in (okay, not soccer – soccer was the exception).  

I was in my early thirties when I discovered all the ways fitness could be fun - on my terms (All the ways fitness can be fun!).  Once I discovered that exercise didn’t have to be awful, I was hooked - running, spinning, and kickboxing.  I gained a tremendous amount of confidence and fitness became a core part of who I am and how I define myself.

So what happened?  How did I let that piece of myself go?  And not just go - vanish. Completely. Like winded, walking up the stairs, out of shape - gone.

There are a lot of things I could place the blame on – problems in my relationship, moving to a new city and back again, suffering from anxiety, living with depression, it was too cold outside, blah, blah, blah.  But at the end of the day it’s on me.  I chose to eat too much, I chose to eat crappy food, and I chose to sit on the couch.  And really, if I’m being super honest with myself, I gave up on me.  I don’t know why I did that yet but I’m working on figuring it out. 

Cathy and Olive the dog pre-walk, on the front end of there adventure in fitness!

Regardless of how I got here, I finally feel like I am mentally in a place where, in order to continue to get well, I need to rekindle my love of fitness. I need to rediscover feeling strong. I need to move again. I need to push myself. Most importantly, I need to find gratitude for all the things my body can do. 

In general, I’m making a lot of changes in my life to fix things that I now see aren’t working for me.  I’m not shoving things under the rug or patching over cracks. I’m doing a complete overhaul.  And just like all the other stuff, rediscovering fitness isn’t something I can quickly fix by losing 20 pounds. I’m looking to make life changes. That means not obsessing over a number on a scale but thinking about how I feel.  Am I stronger?  Am I moving better?  Am I getting energy from my food?  Am I feeling calmer?  Is the depression lifting?  Am I finding new ways to enjoy life and release stress?  It will be hard and frustrating at times but I know that being physically healthy again will be a big part of putting my life back together.

So really, if anything this blog is mostly for me (no offense, I'm glad you're here too). But documenting my journey will help me pause and really appreciate each milestone on my path to good health. Hopefully you'll find some inspiration too or at least laugh with me as I regain my footing and stumble along the way.  In return, I promise to be candid as I navigate both the frustrations and the bright, shiny moments. 

Before Picture: