A GOOD YEAR: Kapow! Bap! Thwack!

I just got back from Portland and it was an AH-MAZING trip. I got to go on beautiful hikes in Forest Park, take a couple of yoga class (including aerial - more about that next week,) try out a new workout video, go to a kickboxing class with Beth, drink skim lattes with fancy designs in the foam, meet goats living in a field designated just for them in the middle of the city, drive to the coast, and eat amazing food. There are so many other things I got to do and every day was super fun. Honestly, between my cozy room, the great workouts, and Beth's wonderful massages I really felt like I was at a health spa. The difference was that I was hosted my kind and caring brother and sister-in-law who are truly the best. I'm sure my stories from the trip will continue to show up in my blog posts as time goes on so I'll stop gushing for now. 

So in the week leading up to my trip I tried my first kickboxing class here in the Detroit area. I've had an on and off relationship with kickboxing over the last 10 years - I'll go for a while, get super into it, and then stop going for no good reason. Through it all kickboxing has proven to be my favorite fitness activity. I love my gloves, I love the way my body feels hitting the bag, I love the way the music syncs up with the timing of your feet as you bounce from one foot to another. 

But it's been a long time and a lot of pounds since I went to a class and I know this is an intense workout. I wasn't sure if I was at a weight or level of conditioning where I could make it through an entire hour. I mean I've been doing awesome with the program so far but I have always loved kickboxing so it would be heartbreaking if I got myself to class and couldn't finish. But Beth was great. She really encouraged me to just show up and try and do the best that I can.  

So how did it go? First of all, it was hard. Crazy hard. The class started with a 25 minute intense cardio session where you hop from foot to foot in a sparring stance while you deliver jabs, crosses, hooks, uppercuts and front and side kicks at a quick pace, just not on the bag. Jumping is hard. Have you done any plyometrics? (Yeah, I'm using technical jargon now.) It's one hell of a workout. So even with just the hopping foot to foot, the back of my legs immediately cramped, locking up from my ankle to my hip. I pushed myself to keep up but had to step touch my feet instead of hopping around. That was discouraging because when I "used to" go to classes, years ago, I was able to keep up without a problem. Why I expect that to be the case three years and 50 pounds later is, well, something I should probably talk to my therapist about. 

With me struggling to keep up, unhealthy thinking found an opening and took over my head. I could see in the mirror how my weight hindered my movement. It made it hard for me to just execute the moves let alone keep up. With mirrors on every wall in the gym, I watched myself struggle and then proceeded to size up everyone in the class only to decide I was the heaviest person there. 

Fortunately I'm stubborn. And I'm competitive. And I was not walking out of that class having quit after the first ten minutes. So I just kept trying, continued to just step-touch instead of hopping and I got through the pure cardio portion which lasted about 20 minutes.

After we finished cardio we moved to the bags. That was when it all came rushing back - why I love this sport, how good hitting something can feel, and the strength I often forget I have. I began with jabs, then moved to hooks (my favorite) and then to combos (jab, cross, hook, hook, uppercut, uppercut). I hit that bag over and over again and each time I could feel the painful emotions that had taken up residence within me over several years just pour out. Sorrow, anger, frustration, guilt, and pain all went into that bag with every hit and kick. It was freedom and I remembered why I loved it.

We finished the class with an intense core and butt workout (fire hydrants, row boats, kneeling leg lifts) and I walked out of that building feeling like I was ten feet tall. I was proud of what I accomplished, I was proud that I still had good form all these years later, I was proud that I kept pushing even when everything in me wanted to stop.  I was also pretty sure my muscles had liquified. 

In spite of how great it felt to hit that bag, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I felt like 11 year old fat Cathy for a few days. Watching my body struggle with the first part of class was a big blow to my self esteem. Additionally, for the rest of the week my body was so sore that it was challenging to do basic things, like stand up and sit down, which are important to be able to do it turns out. I also had trouble with my feet for a few days from the impact (most kickboxing classes are barefoot) which made my walks a lot harder and required a lot of ice packs. 

But all of that passed. When I went with Beth to a class in Portland it was still a really hard workout. But having Beth there helped push me to keep up and motivate me to try harder. I pushed my heart rate to the max. And you know what? I kept up the entire time. 

I'm really glad I procrastinated on writing this post because on Wednesday I went back to the class here in Michigan. I was nervous about how making it through the hour because the last two classes were such a huge challenge. But right away I saw a difference in my mentality. I didn't feel like the fat girl in class. I didn't mind being surrounded by mirrors. I was proud of what my body could do and excited to try again. When class started I immediately noticed a huge difference in my ability to keep up. I was able to bounce from foot to foot most of the class and pretty much kept up the entire time. And as my first jab landed on the bag, joy crashed over me like a wave. 

So here is my advice to anyone trying a really challenging class based purely on my experience (I am not a professional):

1. Go in with the goal of finishing - Don't worry about getting every move right or keeping up. You won't. Do the best you can so that when you go back you will know better what to expect. 
2. Go to at least three classes - Give your body time to get comfortable working new muscles before you decide it's too hard. I know class three was a game changer for me in terms of what I was able to do. 
3. Just showing up the first time is the hardest part - But being the new guy is not fun to me. I hate feeling like I don't know what I'm doing. But if you'd never done this before how can expect yourself to be perfect the first, second or third time you try something? I made a whole bunch of excuses of why I shouldn't go on the day I went to my first class. Fortunately Beth saw right through them and pushed me to try. Just trust that it will get easier. 

I have not traditionally made the best decisions when it comes to releasing stress. I usually tried to stifle my emotions and distract myself from what was bothering me by drinking too much or going on an online shopping bender. Facing this realization has helped me rethink how I deal with the things that bother me. The best way to release stress for me is to hit things. Fortunately, there is a healthy way to do that without getting arrested for property destruction or assault. Kickboxing needs to be a part of my life and I am so grateful to Beth and Go Training for helping me find my way back to it.